The Beyond Epic Rock-Paper-Scissors Tournament of the Class 77-B Boys
by SouthernDemocraticRepublicans
Summary: When it comes to deciding which boy gets which room in Grape Tower, there's only one acceptable method to use: a six-way rock-paper-scissors tournament. Alternative Title: Five Times Hajime Hinata Lost at Rock-Paper-Scissors and One Time He Won


**Hi guys! So I'm like, **real** late coming into this fandom, but I just thought I should drop this here in case anyone was looking for some more love for the boys of class 77-B (aka the Goodbye Despair Boyz).**

**This scene takes place in the daily life portion of Goodbye Despair Chapter 4: Do Ultimate Robots Dream of Clockwork?**

**I hope you enjoy! :)**

* * *

"So, there's five rooms, and six guys, huh?" Fuyuhiko pondered.

"Well, there's really only one way to settle this," Kazuichi followed.

"Indeed," Gundham smirked.

"Get ready to go!" Mechamaru roared.

"If that's what your hope tells you," Nagito breathed.

"…What?" Hajime Hinata wondered, completely confused about what was going on. The nine remaining students had just been stranded in the Amusement Park Fun House and were deciding on the sleeping arrangements. The girls had claimed Grape Tower for themselves, so it was time for the boys to decide who got what part of Strawberry Tower. As for the method of deciding… it seemed as if everyone understood what they had to do, except for him.

Kazuichi Soda gave him a sideways look. "Dude, you really don't know?"

"For disputes among men, it's the ultimate way to settle things!" Nekumaru Nidai answered with clench fists.

That only made Hajime worry. _Was it some sort of wrestling match? Would he get hurt?_ "Look, guys," he started, "I don't know what sort of thing you're talking about, but-"

"Rock-Paper-Scissors," Nagito interjected, tone somewhat annoyed. Then he hastily corrected, "Oh, I'm so, so sorry, Hinata-kun! How dare a talentless worm like me interrupt an incredible Ultimate like Hinata-kun! It's unforgivable."

"Yeah, yeah," Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu scoffed, turning to face Hajime. "We're talkin' 'bout a six-way Rock-Paper-Scissors tournament to settle things. It's a common practice." The yakuza fixed his fingers around his tie. "We even use it sometimes to settle feuds in my gang."

"Naturally," Gundham Tanaka chorused, "for truthfully, this is the very sport in which I bested the Seventh Beast of Ruby Xyathon, banishing her to the pits of Hell for all eternity!"

Pointing an accusing finger, Soda declared, "You fight me first, Tanaka!"

"Oh?" the animal breeder grinned, "You're approaching me?"

"I'll win against you, for Miss Sonia!" the engineer sang, internal motors revving.

Gundham only laughed. "What does that matter, mortal challenger of mine? For with no regard to who rests where this eve," he leaned closer with a smirk, "_Your princess is in another tower._"

Chiaki turned away from the girls huddle occurring in the corner of the room for a second, and Kazuichi screeched, "That's it! You and me, right here, right now!"

Meanwhile, Kuzuryu glanced around, his gangster instincts telling him to fight the biggest man first. "Oi, Nidai-kun," he started, gesturing his head to the side. "Wanna go?"

"That's the spirit, Fuyuhiko!" he cheered. "Of course I'll accept you as my opponent."

With those two pairs wandering away, Hajime found himself left with his one remaining boy classmate.

"Well, looks like you're up against me first," Nagito sighed, twirling a lock of his wild white hair.

"R-right…" Hajime started, shifting nervously, hoping that Nagito wouldn't say anything weird. Knowing him though, that would naturally be impossible.

"I'm just so happy!" the Ultimate Lucky Student proclaimed, eyes wild, "You five talented students could have easily thrown me out, trash that I am, and each slept in a room, but no! You wanted to win the right to sleep in a bed for yourselves!" He examined his palm, chuckling, "I'm just so lucky to be in the presence of such wonderful human beings, willing to risk despair for a chance at greater hope!"

"Yeah, yeah, let's just get this over with," Hajime urged, "And quit saying that you're trash!"

"But I _am_ tra-"

"Rock, Paper, Scissors, SHOOT!" he interrupted, firing out two fingers in the shape of a pair of scissors.

Unfortunately, the hope-loving psycho countered with a fist, signifying a rock. Nagito gave a mysterious grin.

"Man, you really caught me off-guard, there, Hinata-kun. I just went with the first thing to come to my mind." He glanced down at his rock, extended across from Hajime's scissors, declaring, "Well, I guess I win."

Shoving both hands in his jacket pockets, he turned to strut away, merrily muttering, "Just my luck."

Hajime groaned, wandering off to search for a new opponent.

* * *

"Oh? Yet another audacious mortal wishes to engage with I, the liege of all sinfulness, in a duel to the death, a decisive challenge of Dark Quartz, Tethered Parchment, and Twain Blades?"

"Hi, Gundham," Hajime responded, unsure of how else to answer the dark-haired mage that stood before him in full battle stance. His Four Dark Devas gathered on his shoulders to watch, squealing with hamsterish delight.

With a tongueful snicker and crossed arms, Gundham Tanaka mused, "Despair, o bold one, at the knowledge that I have decimated quite a similar foe to your ilk mere moments before your appearance."

After taking a moment to interpret, Hajime concluded, "You beat Soda-kun, then."

"Hmph. T'was a feat of minimal exertion. That fuschia-topped tiger shark overwhelmed himself with his own pitiful emotions and panicked, failing to even conjure up a gesture."

Hajime's eyebrows shot together. "So in other words, he had a nervous breakdown, and you won by default?"

Gundham harshly tugged upward on his scarf. "The fear of facing an opponent as potent as I must have shattered his resolve. The emotions of mortals are quite pitiful, aren't they? I rejoice that I abandoned such feelings long ago."

_Poor Soda-kun…_

"Well then! Shall we commence the duel?"

Hajime nodded, mentally preparing himself and deciding which option to pick.

Smirking, the lord of shadows boomed, "On my command: Quartz, Parchment, Twain Blades, ATTACK!"

Recalling the move that his previous opponent had used was rock, Hajime aimed to counter that and presented a flat hand for 'paper' – or, er, 'parchment'.

However, lo and behold, Gundham stood before him with a mighty pair of finger scissors.

"Bwahahaha! The Fates decree that I have triumphed over mine enemies once more!"

"Yep," Hajime conceded, wondering if he would win a single match in the tournament. "It would appear so…"

And so the games continued.

* * *

"Rock, Paper, Scissors, SHOOT!"

With a triumphant smirk, Fuyuhiko shoved a finger gun in Hajime's face. "Fuck yeah!" the gangster declared, "Pistol beats paper! I win!"

"Wait, wait wait, what?!" a completely startled Hajime managed. "No, that's not how it works!"

"The hell do you mean, 'that's not how it works'!? Haven't you ever played before?"

"Of course I've played, but the game is called 'rock', 'paper', 'scissors', no 'pistol' involved!"

The young yakuza balled up a fist, looking quite agitated now. "Oh yeah? Then why do we say 'Rock, Paper, Scissors, _Shoot_'? That clearly shows that 'pistol' is a valid move, fuckface."

Not having a good response to that, the brown-haired boy turned to a friend for help. "Hey Chiaki," he called, causing the pale gamer to turn away from the girl meeting again and approach curiously, "In rock-paper-scissors, is there a 'pistol' option?"

She lightly shook her head, wistfully replying, "Not that I've heard of."

"GRAH, this is bullshit!" Fuyuhiko snarled, "Peko, back me up here, I-"

Everyone froze. The Ultimate Yakuza bit down on his lip, squeezing his eyes closed and mouthing a silent swear. They all wanted to comfort him, but nobody knew how. Perhaps the only person in the world who knew how had been executed days before.

Suddenly swarming in guilt, Hajime quietly offered, "Let's just say you won that round, okay?"

Fuyuhiko nodded hesitantly, looking up and around and the rest of the boys. "Alright," he conceded, slipping into a half-smile, "Which one of you bastards is next?"

* * *

"Rock, Paper, Scissors, SHIT!"

The robot's voice was so ear-shatteringly booming, Hajime found himself unable to move. Thus, his hand stayed resting in the fist position it was originally in, indicating that he had chosen rock.

Unfortunately for him, Mechamaru's 'paper' shot out like a karate chop, slamming onto his other hand with a metallic thump. Then, with a victorious laugh, the team manager wrenched his hand tightly around Hajime's fist, signaling his win. "Paper covers rock!"

"Y-yeah, it sure does…" Hajime whimpered with a forced smile, trying to pry his hand out of the cheerful man's, but to no avail.

"Ha ha ha! What a wonderful match! Good game!"

Then, in the epitome of sportsmanship, the pair shook hands, or rather, the team manager vivaciously squeezed Hajime's hand and rattled it enthusiastically.

_Do robots even need to sleep?_ Hajime couldn't help but wonder. _Could he even feel the difference between a luxury and crummy room?_

Although, seeing the lively expression on the metal that was Nekomaru Nidai's face made him disregard that thought. After all, even if he was in a robot body, Nekomaru was still human. Even if he sacrificed his physical form to protect Akane, he could still at least try to savor the comforts of his former life.

Hajime nodded thoughtfully, gave the metallic hand a firm shake, then turned to face his final opponent.

* * *

"Rock, Paper, Scissors, SHOOT!"

The engineer's eyes sparkled as he glanced down at their hands, at Hajime's scissors to his rock, and did a victory leap in the air before quickly whirling around.

"YEESS! Did you see that, Miss Sonia? I won!"

"Hmm?" Sonia Nevermind replied, turning her head away from the far-more-interesting and epic showdown of Mechamaru vs. Gundham that was happening only a few feet away. Upon observing their hands, she hollowly congratulated, "Oh. Good for you, Soda-kun," before curtly turning back.

"She totally missed it," Soda lamented, burying his sobbing face in the shadows of his hat.

Nervously, Hajime consoled, "Don't worry about it. I mean, you still won, right?"

Suddenly clenching both his hands into fists, Kazuichi Soda gave a gnarly grin. "Hey, you're right! That's my second win in a row, too!" Scratching the side of his chin, he taunted, "I bet even Mr. Edgelord von Hamsters over there hasn't gotten two wins in a row!"

"What an excellent match!" Nekomaru's voice echoed into earshot, addressing the man who had just defeated him.

"It was but a simple lone victory, this time" Mr. Edgelord von Hamsters replied, "Earlier, I consecutively claimed THREE triumphs! Still, you were a formidable opponent…"

"Damnit…" Soda sulked, feelings of inferiority welling up again.

Hajime could only give him a consoling pat on the back.

* * *

And with that, the beyond epic, ultra-important Rock-Paper-Scissors tournament of the class 77-B boys came to a close. The results were thus:

First Place, with 5 Wins: Nagito Komoeda, Ultimate Lucky Student (luxury room)

Second Place, with 4 Wins: Gundham Tanaka, Ultimate Animal Breeder (luxury room)

Third Place, with 3 Wins: Nekomaru "Mechamaru" Nidai, Ultimate Team Manager (average room)

Fourth Place, with 2 Wins: Kazuichi Soda, Ultimate Engineer (crummy room)

Fifth Place, with 1 Win: Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, Ultimate Yakuza (crummy room)

And finally, last place, Mr. Hajime Hinata, Ultimate Who-Knows-What, was stuck without a place to sleep.

Nagito had approached him after the tournament: "If you want to switch with me, Hinata-kun, I wouldn't mind."

The unluckier student shook his head, "It's fine, really. You won fair and square."

"It isn't fair, though," he argued, "that a talentless student like me should be able to sleep in comfort while someone like you has no place. I _should_ be sleeping on the floor."

Hajime shook his head more vigorously this time. "I'm not going to kick you out of your bed-"

"Then would you share the bed with me?" Nagito practically begged. "I won't be able to sleep, knowing you don't have a place to stay."

Fortunately, the girls took pity on him at that moment and offered to let him stay with them in Grape Tower, which he gleefully accepted.

Once they got over there on the excruciatingly slow elevator, Hajime took a seat in the lounge with a sigh, trying to process everything he had gone through today. As he turned beside him, he suddenly found that at some point, Chiaki Nanami had silently joined him.

"The boys in our class sure are lively, Hajime," she smiled sleepily, resting her head against his shoulder.

"Yeah, they sure are," he agreed, blushing at the contact, then pausing to think about it.

'Lively' was the exact right way of putting it, and while Hajime was happy to have his own room, he found his mind wandering back over to Strawberry Tower. Over there, the boys were undoubtedly bursting with energy: arguing, chuckling, cursing, raving, dueling, teasing one another and playing games. Part of Hajime wished he could be part of it all, him and the rest of the boys of class 77-B.

"So," Chiaki woke him from his thoughts, "are you really terrible at Rock-Paper-Scissors?"

Hajime laughed. "I guess I am."

Puffing out her cheeks, the gamer girl offered, "Wanna play?"

"Rock-Paper-Scissors? Now?" With a shrug, the talentless brunette nodded, "Okay."

"Rock, Paper, Scissors…"

"…Shoot."

* * *

**THE END.**

**That's all for this fic! Feel free to leave any comments and corrections you might have.**

**Have a great day!**


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